My Boy

I've been waiting to wake up...the past day like a dream...the most surreal, heartbreaking moment of my entire life...seems like it took seconds and lasted a million years.

My little boy was born today. At only nearly 18 weeks old, and he was perfect in everyway. Down to his little fingers and eyes and ears. Ten fingers and ten toes. My 7 inch, 3.2 oz little baby. As I held him today, I couldn't help but think of all the hopes and dreams we had for him. Xavier Ty...The name we'd saved for him for the last five years.

I can't begin to ask why, or for what purpose taking my little boy from me so early, but late enough that I felt him and why his heart beat for weeks and stopped so suddenly. "Who told us, we'd be rescued, what has changed and why should we be saved, from nightmares?" Just because we believe in God, and trust in him, doesn't mean that terrible things are not going to happen to us. There is only the promise that when the worst happens that he will be there to hold us.

Yet I will praise Him...

Psalm 43

2 You are God my stronghold.
Why have you rejected me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?
3 Send forth your light and your truth,
let them guide me;
let them bring me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you dwell.
4 Then will I go to the altar of God,
to God, my joy and my delight.
I will praise you with the harp,
O God, my God.
5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.