Dear Xavier,

Hi, it's mommy. But you already know that, don't you! I'm just writing to make sure you remember how much we love and miss you. It's been a year this week and I'll bet you've gotten to be such a big boy. I wish I could see if you have Mika's curly hair. I always thought you would. Your sisters ask about you all the time. The Easter Bunny showed up a while back, and I couldn't help but think that you probably would have loved to crawl around and find some eggs yourself! And I would have let you have the candy inside...probably.

I want you to know that we haven't forgotten you. No one has. I don't even know how that would be possible. You spent your whole life, as short as it was, bringing me nothing but happiness, dreams, and a joy that I have never known. And you have touched my life in a way that only you could. You taught me how deeply a heart can love. My heart hasn't stopped aching for you since you left.

I'm sorry if my grieving for you has held you back from any of the pleasures of Heaven that I know are there for you. But I can't help but cry. For months, all my dreams for our little family's future included you, everything that I thought it would be had a part of you in it, and I'm not ready to let go. You understand, don't you? Nothing seems right without you.

I hope you're having fun! It's okay to have fun, okay? I know a lot of times we are sad because you're not here, but please play! There are so many people with you that we love and that we know are taking such good care of you. I have met some other mommies who have babies up there too. I'll bet you guys are playing together...that makes me smile.

It seems like yesterday that I held you and said goodbye. But it won't be forever. We'll be up there when God's ready for us. Until then, remember this..."I love you right up to the moon-and back."

Love,
Mommy, Daddy, and your Big Sisters